August 2010
5 posts
1 tag
Meet the Snack of the Apocalypse.
“OK everyone, settle down and take your seats, we’re about ready to start.”
“Why are there guards outside?”
“What’s going on behind those curtains?”
“And why did you take our cellphones?”
“In time, in time. Tim, are the subjects ready?”
(intercom) “Yessir, they’re ready.”
“What’s this all...
“The world is now global.”
– Desiree Rogers, in an interview with ABC 7 Chicago aired 8/11/10
1 tag
Say hello to the Fridge Pickles of Doom.
Cucumbers are taking over my backyard and are plotting to invade the house and seize the TV remote. In an effort to foil their evil plans, I have been creeping up on them and picking them. I think this is just making them angrier, but so far they’ve said nothing.
Flush with cucumbers, I am compelled to make pickles. But as I am impatient, churlish, vain, tedious, photo-sensitive and did...
1 tag
Watching morning network "news" makes me feel...
They’re the equivalent of a slow-motion car wreck that you can’t stop watching when you realize you’re shamefully witnessing tragedy and misery and all the while you’re chatting with the guy standing next to you about how this particular car wreck isn’t as exciting / as boomy / as dramatic / as fun as the one you saw last week and the slurping sound of him hitting the...
1 tag
Japanese hatchet, please. →
Not suitable for carry-on luggage.